what the world needs now.

I’ll be honest. I don’t have many thoughts on the state of the world these days. The economy is bad. Our new president is supposed to fix everything… (newsflash: he’s just ONE. MAN.) I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I do know that God and His promises are real and He is still on His throne. 

With that said, today is Valentine’s Day. I never had much of an opinion about it, good or bad, before I met my husband. I never had a “Valentine” and I’m sure there were some years when I felt sorry for myself, but for the most part, I bought into the whole “It’s just a commercial holiday made up by greeting card companies so who cares?” mantra. That is, until I experienced my first real Valentine’s Day. I was in love, and although I stressed myself out trying to figure out the perfect gift and way to make my Valentine feel special, once the day arrived, I realized how much I loved it. I love the idea of an entire day devoted to LOVE. And you don’t have to have a significant other to celebrate. I think all types of love should be celebrated, but I especially love being able to devote one day to the man whose love has been so steady, so unshakeable, that it surprises me everyday.  

So today, we are in Atlanta, and tonight we’ll get dressed up and go to a nice restaurant, but that’s not the best part about today. Today I get to spend the whole day with my husband, doing whatever we want to do, and I could not be happier. 

For those of you who don’t know, my husband is the most kind, patient, humble, hard-working, adorable man on the planet. He’s not perfect, but his love for me is. And I am truly humbled that God chose me to be his wife. Sometimes I don’t feel worthy of the task. But his love for me never changes. What’s most important, is that his love for me paints a worldly picture of Christ’s love for me. Knowing that no matter how much I love my husband and how much he loves me, Christ loves us infinitely more…well that…that just blows me away.

easier said than done.

I had a bit of an epiphany tonight. It came during a conversation with my favorite person to talk to, my precious husband. We were on our way home from dinner with his mom, stepdad, sisters, their significant others, our nephew and the baby that my sister in law baby-sits for on the weekends. For some reason, we tend to venture into some of our deepest conversations after spending time with our families. Our nephew (I love being able to claim him as mine, not just Brian’s, because he is THE coolest 3 and a half year old you’ll ever meet.)

For some reason lately, the subject of children, whether they’re in the distant future or just around the corner, has weighed heavily on me and being around babies tonight did not help. I’ve just had an uneasiness about motherhood, trying to soothe myself with the belief that God will prepare us when the time comes, but I just haven’t been that…soothed. (I believe a lot of this has to do with our puppy and the exhausting  incredible journey we’ve been on with him for the past 4 months. Only four months?! holy crap) I’ll probably write more about the pup later, but let’s just say, we  REALLY related to Marley & Me. 

But tonight, I drew a comparison that I believe will ring true. I was talking about how although I had the desire in my heart to be in love and married from the time I was about…oh…16 years old. God just never put any guys in my life that I deemed worthy to become my future husband (wink, wink). And if I did, SOMEHOW deem someone worthy…well, he just never seemed to feel the same way. My longest “relationship” before I began dating my husband was around 3 months long. I had my share of dates, but they were just that. Dates. No one I could see spending the rest of my life with (because, you know, I had the ability to assess that in 2 or 3 phone conversations. and maybe a dinner or two). I’d like to claim all the credit for not putting my heart out there to get trampled on, leaving wounds for my future husband to mend. But I know that’s not the case. God guarded me and my heart from a relationship with the wrong guy and although I’m sure my husband wishes I had a little more experience being in a long-term relationship sometimes, I don’t regret a thing. God put the right man in my life at the exact. Right. Time. And I truly believe He’ll do the same when He decides to bless Brian and I with a child. He will put that desire in my heart and He will be there to prepare and teach me to be the parent I aspire and He wants me to be. I just have to be willing to listen. And learn. So much easier said than done.

i said it.

originally posted: december 3, 2008

 

so i’m finally doing it. I’ve been threatening to start a blog for…years? now…but especially the past few months. And then I got a puppy. And if you’ve ever had a puppy you might understand me, and if you haven’t, you’ll think I’m crazy. I know I would have, pre-September 27th…the day my world changed forever. And I realize if anyone with children is reading this you’re probably looking so far down on me I wouldn’t even be able to see you looking up from my meager sitting place. But the puppy changed my life. I’ve become a DOG person. I always thought I was allergic to dogs. And even if not, they’re dirty. So for the first week I washed my hands so many times and took so many showers my skin cracked. Turns out I’m not allergic to the pup. Just the crap he brings in. And the miracle of some pretty awesome drugs keep me from sneezing, wheezing, eyes swelling shut, esophagus swelling craziness. And that, my friends, is awesome. The fact that I can  sit here on the couch with my sweet puppy sleeping next to me and I can bring him into bed to snuggle with my while my husband is in some big fluffy bed in a swank Vegas hotel…well I love it. And I’m not ashamed to say it. I love for my puppy to sleep in the bed with me. Who knew?